Logic (n): In the world of mortals, the art and science of reasoning correctly. However, in the Right Wing, two and two do not always equal four if there is a necessity for them to equal five. This also includes the employment of a dictum known as Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc. (“After this, therefore because of this.”) This describes a logical fallacy that assumes that temporal succession implies casual relationships. Ergo, (at least for the Right Wing) since the invasion of Iraq occurred after the World Trade Centre attacks, the “logical” implication was that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. A similar comparison would state that if a cat had kittens in the oven, that this would make them biscuits. This is sometimes termed a “leap of logic.” It is also sometimes termed “bullshit.”
An example of the Right Wing logical process:
In 2007, President Bush announced his desire to send an additional 21,500 troops to Iraq. The logic inherent in this decision was that by sending more troops he would be able to bring troops home sooner because the longer we’re there, the sooner we can get out.

A few days after the invasion of Iraq, Dr. Mahdi Obeidi sat talking with a reporter from Mother Jones. He showed him a cache he had recently dug up which contained a three-foot stack of documents and four prototypes for devices to enrich uranium up to weapons-grade. In short, everything a foreign government needed to start up a covert nuclear weapons program. He had buried this cache 12 years ago on the order of Hussein’s son, Qusay. Dr. Obeidi was worried - he was afraid that without US protection, he could be murdered by Saddam loyalists as a collaborator, arrested and imprisoned by US forces who wouldn’t understand who he was, or kidnapped by a foreign power who did. What he couldn’t understand was why US intel agencies hadn’t offered to take him into protective custody. This was strange to him considering how Bush was blathering, this time quite rightly, about the dangers presented by nuclear weapons technology proliferating.
Finally, after being threatened by the DIA not to talk to the CIA, and arrested and released by the US army, the CIA finally got him into protective custody and spirited him off the the States, where he lives a free man today, the ONLY Iraqi nuclear scientist of some 200 on the US intelligence agencies lists to have been secured.
On June 26th of that year, the CIA posted a press release about Obeidi’s secret cache on its official website - including DETAILED PHOTOS OF THE CENTRIFUGE DEVICES. This information was on the website for about a week until someone pointed out that this might not be the sort of stuff that should be available for free for every terrorist group or rogue government in the world. This seemed a strange way of protecting America…
The founder of Veteran Intelligence Professionals for Sanity, Ray McGovern, who spent 27 years of his life analyzing data for the CIA had this to say about the situation:

“Before we invaded, there was no evidence that Iraq had any plan or incentive to proliferate. They didn’t even have a current plan to develop WMDs. Now, my God, we have a magnet attracting all manner of foreign jihadists to a place where WMD expertise is suddenly unprotected. It just boggles the mind.”

In the ’90’s the International Atomic Energy Agency had compiled a list of about 2000 names - people who were crucial to Saddam’s WMD programs as existed before the ‘91 invasion. Prominent among them was Dr. Faris Abdul Aziz. After the 2003 invasion, Dr. Aziz went to US forces to offer his cooperation along with other scientists. Basically he was told that if he couldn’t tell them where Saddam was hiding or where he’d stashed his non-existent WMDs, to take a hike. He wasn’t asked back and since then has simply disappeared. Lord knows who he’s working for now.

Another man who spent 21 years working as a CIA case officer in the Middle East, Robert Baer, also has an opinion. According to him, if the Bush administration were serious about neutralizing the WMD threat, “the troops would have been securing equipment at the weapons sites as they invaded and they would have been looking for scientists. It tells you that this war had nothing to do with WMDs.”

Ann Harrigton, then deputy director of the State Department’s Proliferation Threat Reduction Office and Carl Phillips, a biotech weapons expert from Texas Tech University tried to put together a program to secure Iraqi scientists. They estimated the program might cost around $20 million - a pittance considering the money already spent in prosecuting the war. They managed to scrape together $2 million. The Pentagon, it seemed, was opposed to the program. The quashing of this plan, according to former weapons inspector David Albright, was the responsibility of John Bolton, then the undersecretary for arms control and international security for the State Department. In her words, Bolton put the kibosh on it because “he was in the camp that thinks all these scientists are criminals.”

Phillips later stated “When the most we could squeeze out of the system was two $2 million grants, it made us sit back and scratch our heads a little bit and say ‘Didn’t we go to war because they had people who could produce weapons of mass destruction?’”

No, we did not. We went to war to secure oil supplies and because Dubya has a cock-length issue with his daddy.

Bush may blither in his delusional manner about having protected the US from further terrorist attacks, but the sorry truth of the matter is that because of the lack of planning and the unfounded assumptions of the Bush-Cheney cabal several thousand nuclear, chemical and biological scientists, many of whom were actually trying to give up, simply walked out the door. No one knows where they are - Syria, North Korea. After WW II, the US had operations such as Paperclip to secure critical German scientists. After the invasion of Iraq, the US appeared not to have the plans to secure lunch.

If the end result of this criminally incompetent debacle is Condi Rice’s famous mushroom cloud, we have one person ultimately to thank for it.

Heck of a job, Georgie!

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations.

The Library will include:The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won’t be able to remember anything. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don’t even have to show up. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don’t let you in. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don’t let you out. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find. The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling. The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy. The Economy Room, which is in the toilet. The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, they make you to go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.) The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shotgun gallery. The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty. The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an lection. The Airport Men’s Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators. The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws. Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you locate and view the President’s accomplishments.

-

The library will also include many famous Quotes by George W. Bush: ‘The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.’ ‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.’ ‘Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.’ ‘No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.’ ‘I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.’ ‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.’ ‘Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.’ ‘I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.’ ‘The future will be better tomorrow.’ ‘We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.’ ‘One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.’ (during an education photo-op). ‘Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.’ ‘We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.’ ‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’ ‘I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.’

-

PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!

Sincerely, Jack Abramoff,

Co-Chairman,

G.W. Bush Library Board of Directors

(This post originally appeared in OpEdNews by Mr. Lloyd Rowsey. Magnificent…)

GENUS RIGHT WING,
HUBRIS IMPERIUM: PHYLUM - ADMINISTRATUM ANOMIE.

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,
POTUS HORRIBILIS

Since there have been forty two previous Presidents of the United States, for the sake of brevity this text will simply consider the recent Chief Executive, George W. Bush.
This is fortuitous from an academic point of view, since of all the previous presidents, George W. Bush is the only one who, having lost the election in popular vote, was appointed to this office by a 5-4 vote of the sitting Supreme Court.
This ground-breaking legal precedent was promulgated by the cancellation of ballot re-counts due in no small part to the work of a lawyer, Eugene Scalia. A member of the law firm of Gibson, Dunn and Crutcher representing the Bush election team, Mr. Scalia was also co-incidentally the son of Justice Antoinin Scalia, who equally co-incidentally voted in favour of the Republican nominee. Or, if one is inclined to a different opinion, one might hearken to the words of Lt. General Jerry Boykin, Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence who contended that President Bush was “…in the White House because God put him there,” thus casting Justice Scalia not in the role of someone who should have recused himself on the grounds of conflict of interest, but that of the Almighty’s Prophet.
In any case, one must readily admit that President Bush is unique (or at least one might fervently wish this to be so) and consequently worthy of study. As for his efficacy as 43nd President of the United States, this will be the judgment of history and as President Bush himself observed in Washington D.C. on May 5th of 2006, “You never know what your history is going to be like until long after you’re gone.”

ORIGINS AND HABITAT
There appears to be some small confusion on Bush’s part of his origins. Ostensibly he claims Texas as his nascent state, this being more manly sounding that the truth. In April of 2002 he was quoted as claiming that “Laura and I are proud to be Texas…” This may, in reality, simply be a paraphrasing of “L”Etat, ce moi.” Nevertheless, it is apparent that he has a firm grasp of his politically adopted home state’s place in the Union as evinced by a quote in the Los Angeles Times on April 8th of 2000. “I was raised in the West. The West of Texas. It’s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington D.C. is close to California.” This has led to speculation that Bush had originally intended to invade Saudi Arabia (the nation of origin of 15 of the 19 9/11 hijackers and which funded a large part of Saddam Hussein’s pre-1991 nuclear weapons program) but inadvertently mistook its position on the map.
In reality, George W. Bush was born in New Haven, Connecticut but raised as a cowboy, at least insofar as his foreign policy might suggest.
President Bush claims his principle residence to be his “ranch” in Crawford, Texas. Originally purchased in 1999 after making his decision to run for the presidency, it cannot really be classified as a home as such, (nor a ranch, since it is located in farming, not ranching territory) but rather a stage set in which the production “George W. Bush – Champion of the Common Man” is filmed by various network news crews. It is also used as a place of refuge from one of his most feared predators, Cindy Sheehan.
In actuality, President Bush spends a great deal of time alternating between three residences other than the White House: the aforementioned ranch in Texas, his parents’ retreat in Kennebunkport, Maine, and Camp David. As of August 20, 2008, he has spent a collective 908 days – a full 40% of his presidency - in retreat at these three locations, spending a total of 28 vacation days in August of 2001 alone. When the average American receives 13 vacation days a year, one can only imagine the mind-boggling amount of work that President Bush must do to require almost 39 times that amount.
President Bush Although Bush considers the White House his natural habitat, this must be considered behaviour similar to birds and animals that appropriate the nests of others. In actuality, George W. Bush has only one natural habitat, the Family Sinecure. (It may be noted that George W. Bush has often been found living in the pockets of several of the phylum Corporatis Warbux, but these are to be considered temporary abodes much like camping.)

Common Man (n): Something the American public ostensibly wants as a president. The fact that almost all the challenges facing someone in this highest of offices are decidedly uncommon is apparently of little concern. Perhaps this is due to the fact that to the average common man complex problems have simple solutions. A nation has the temerity to disagree with the U.S? Bomb them. Economic recession? Print more money. The poor? The hell with ‘em. Give me health care, but don’t raise my taxes to pay for it.
Many people stated that they voted for George W. Bush because he was the sort of man they’d like to sit down and have a beer with. This ignores the fact that alcohol in its various forms may well have been a contributory factor in Bush’s apparent inability to parse a sentence. To paraphrase Bush’s own statements, “Will the marbles of the president become too few?” “Rarely is the question asked: is our voters learning?” There appears to be popular fallacy, a post hoc ergo propter hoc concept that being a common man bestows common sense. This, however, does not apply to Bush since he is anything but a common man, having been born into the wealth, privilege and political connections of an Eastern elitist family. His sense of sense (such as it is) speaks for itself, albeit in broken sentences.
George W. Bush was meticulously coached to become a master of the commonplace style in which cliches and banalities flowed as if they were impelled by the same pressure as genius. There is a sort of grotesque semi-heroic Everyman quality about his command of the mediocre, as if the common man had found in him a champion to carry their banner with all the appropriated ceremony of greatness. But when once such a person is forced to confront reality without the stage props, professional spin doctors and writers, the charade crumbles away and all you have left is Shrub.

If it’s not one foul sot it’s another.

Joe the Plumber has gone to war - well, to the State of Israel - just to show up them lib’ral eletist media-types. Yesiree, Bob, we’re gonna get the plain facts, the low-down, the skinny from a no-nonsense Six-Pack sucker jest like us`n.
Actually, what we`re getting is a stream of blathersgate from an inarticulate clod who is treating the profession of war reportage like a high school trip to the zoo for the `special`class. Here`just in case you managed to avoid it, is an example of his “reporting:”

“I`ll be honest with you. I don`t think journalists should be anywhere allowed war. (sic) I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You make a big deal out of it. I think it`s asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you`d go to the theatre and you`d see our troops on, you know, the screen, and everybody would be real excited and happy for them.

Now everybody`s got an opinion and wants to…down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers… I think media should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting.You know, war is hell, and if you`re gonna sit there and say `Well, look at this atrocity,` well, you don`t know the whole story behind it half the time. So I think the media should have no business in it.”

So … apart from language that suggests an educational level that would be considered unusually crude for a 5th grader, it seems that Joe is of the opinion that war reporting is unAmerican. So what exactly is it that he himself is doing over there? Getting us the latest sports scores?
Actually, at least in the case of the current Iraq war, the media is almost irrelevant. The Pentagon learned from the national debacle in Viet Nam, the most important lesson being that if you don’t want to appear to be losing, don’t let reporters in. The current system of embedded journalism insures that reporters only get to see what the Pentagon wants them to see. The best reporting is being done by foreign nationals they can’t control or soldiers themselves describing what they’ve experienced firsthand.

Normally, I wouldn’t even dignify such a moronic statement with a response except that I know there are others who share his views, that everything would be fine if the media just didn’t report the bad news. That, as we know, would make it just go away.

Some things have a moral obligation to be told. The massacre at Mai Lai, the Holocaust, etc. Who should we trust to tell us the truth about war - the governments who started them?

Joe knows nothing about war except as a cliche - that it’s “hell.” Congratulations for that profound articulation. Where did you read it? A SGT. ROCK comic book? And it’s precisely that we don’t know the whole story all the time that reporters are necessary.

What is this buffoon, who has no more credentials to impersonate a journalist than he does a plumber, doing over there in the first place? He claims he was sent because he’s “an expert on media bias.” By this, I suppose he means that he got his turn in the spotlight and the media found him to be a liar and a charlatan whose grasp of the English language wouldn’t choke a chicken. It’s axiomatic that Right Wingers always claim media bias when the truth is being told about them personally.

Joe … you’re using up another person’s fifteen minutes. Take a cue from your former President and please let the door hit you on the ass as you leave.

Ambassador (n): A person chosen to represent the policies of the nation to the government of another country, picked on the basis of having personal ties to the President. George W. Bush picked five ambassadors whose sole qualification for their post appears to be that they, like the President, co-owned a baseball team. One was married to a Presidential relative. None spoke the language of the nation to whom they were ambassador. This is neither here nor there, since it is an article of faith in the Bush White House that if anyone has anything of real importance to say, they’d say it in English just like Jesus. In point of fact, this qualification may be considered redundant by the Administration since it appears obvious that President Bush was only marginally fluent in English himself.

How long, of Lord, how long? It’s not bad enough that we have to endure the weekly lintheaded .22 caliber punditry of such vapid types as Bill “Never Right” Kristol, or the ongoing historical revisionism from Karl Rove, the sight of Sammy Wurzelbacher, aka: Joe the Unlicensed Plumber making a fool of himself and his nation stumbling around in Israel, or the outright demented spit-flecked ranting of Shill O’Bilely, but now we are presented with another chapter of the never-ending swan song of Alaska’s hillbilly governor, Sarah Palin.

Recently, Palin made a spectacularly hubristic “documentary” in which she laments the hard time given her by the dastardly Left-Wing Media, opining that if she had run as a Democrat, they wouldn’t have torn into her and her family in such a partisan manner.

Right. Picture this: the Democrats, in what could only be viewed as a blatant attempt to throw the election, choose a virtually unknown governor of a state that’s actually outside the country per ce, with the total population of El Paso, and who is under investigation for mis-use of her gubernatorial authority, an ex-beauty queen who shoots wolves from helicopters and calls it hunting, a woman with a secessionist husband and an unmarried pregnant daughter and a son she named Trig, a woman with the intellectual capacity of a mollusk who can barely parse a sentence. And you don’t think the media (and the GOP aparachik) wouldn’t have been all over her like ugly on a Cheney?

Meanwhile, while Sarah is boo-hooing about being victimized, there are villages in Alaska whose inhabitants are on the verge of freezing to death and starving due to the jump in heating oil prices and the closing of local industries. And what is the Governor’s office doing about it?

Bugger all. You see, Palin hasn’t re-appointed a Rural Advisor. The funding for this position has been diverted to hiring more staff for her personal office.

Governor, please - do your job and help the citizens of your state. Put your massive ego in cold storage and stop this self-serving solipsistic campaign to blame everybody but you and your own mouth for your political melt-down. You have gone beyond laughable. You are now just a bore.

At least Hitler had the balls to shoot himself.

However, we must be content with the fact that the most shameless prevaricator, the most egregious lying ratsack, the most moronic, delusional political and corporate whore in the history of the United States of America has left the building. He has killed hundreds of thousands, left the nation teetering on the edge of economic collapse, squandered your children’s birthrights and made a mockery and sham of the Constitution, but he’s GONE!

Let the investigations begin!

Instead of recording his manifest and obvious crimes, I thought it might be fun to list some of the names this Downs Syndrome Sot has been known as in the blogosphere since, speaking personally, I cannot force the words “Commander-in-Chief” past my clenched teeth. Banana Boy has, at various times, been dubbed:

The Asshole from El Paso, AWOL von McAssHat, AWOL McPenisenvy, Wonderchimp, Smirking Chimp, the Boob of Kennebunkport, Buckeroo Bonehead, Cap’n Cowpie, Chimperor Flacidius Maximus, Chimpy McCokespoon, Chimpy McFlightsuit, Chimpy the Red-Nosed Boozer, Clueless McCokehead, Commander Codpiece von Chickenshit, Condi’s Crackhead, Court-Appointed Ignoramous, the Cowardly Cretin of Crawford, Crusader Bunnypants, Daddy’s Widdle Dufus, Dipstick McDoNothing, Dribbles McMonckeyBrain, Fratboy Figurehead, George of the Bungle, Global Village Idiot, Hopalong Hypocrite, Karl’s Little Crackhead, Midland Mouthbreather, MIMS, (monkey in a man-suit) the Oaf of Office, Prepboy Pretzelchoker, Prezidunce Poutyface, President Disastermonkey, Resident Weasel, Simian Sockpuppet, Smirking Smackhead, Spanky McWarMonkey, Squinty the Pinhead, Toxic Tinhorn and the Yellow Puddle of Texas.

And these, I hasten to add are only a small sampling of the vast lexicon of appellations awarded this human hemmorrhoid.

George W. Bush was unique in the history of the presidency - or at least we can pray that he was. He was a person who evinced not the slightest shred of human compassion; indeed, he never even managed to master the sociopath’s ability to fake emotion, often displaying manifestly inappropriate facial expressions for the subject matter of which he spoke. Listening to him speak off the cuff was like listening to Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata being played on the bagpipes. He could not open his mouth without subtracting from the gross sum of human knowledge. He was like a light bulb that when turned on, made the room darker.

Well, now he’s gone and finally, like the Boy Scouts, the US once again has adult leadership. We’ll be thrashing about in this ruinous Man-Child’s “legacy” for some time. But for now let us rejoice in the fact that the corporate pimps and whores, the theocrats and plutocrats various are being flushed, after which the cesspool will spit them out and they will continue to enrich themselves by befouling the airwaves and in print, pandering to the ignorant, the bigoted, the witless and banal.

The United States, after eight long years, has finally been granted its wish. A president with a triple-digit IQ who was actually elected to office.